Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
