His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
