A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
