So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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