I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I haven't been this sober since birth.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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