The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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