found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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