i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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