I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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