At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
