he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
