Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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