My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
