2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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