i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
