puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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