Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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