someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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