Will you blow on my dice?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
