I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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