i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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