hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
