Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
