you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
