he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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