Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
