i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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