Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
