We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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