I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
