life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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