i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
...so i touched it.
do herpes really smell.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
