i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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