Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
