I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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