Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You've changed since you got that strap on
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
