Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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