I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
