the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
