So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
