I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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