a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
