I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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