At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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