i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
