So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
