True but thats because hes a fetus.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
