That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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