I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
