PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
