i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
