If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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