I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
