flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
