Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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