good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
