The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
