WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
