When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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