just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
