I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize