You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
that is very illegal...i love you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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