New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
