I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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