ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
