I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
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She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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And then the night went full on bisexual.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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