There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
