Define "chronic" masturbator.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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