There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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